How can you tell if an extra-marital affair is the result of sex addiction? It should go without saying that marital infidelity can be the result of many factors. But could the staying spouse also be a sex addict? How can you tell? What do you look for?

Dr. Robert Huizenga has a brief article listing the signs of sexual addiction, aimed at helping spouses determining if “infidelity is attached to sexual addiction.” Here’s a synopsis of his points:

1. Sex takes on an inflated role or value, and acting on the sexual impulse is a frequent activity.
2. There is evidence of acting out sexually in multiple ways, ie. porn, strip clubs, multiple sex partners, etc.
3. Sexual activity is bound by fear: of ‘being found out,’ being abnormal, losing family, spouse, job and respect.
4. A promise/failure cycle. Promises such as “I won’t do it again” are made out of remorse and fear, but later broken.
5. Affair partners are used as objects for personal gratification, without real intimacy.
6. Sexuality is often confused with other needs and is used to regulate mood.
7. The person lives in a distorted world. They have a great capacity to rationalize their behavior, deceive others and may lead a dual life.

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