Many couples whose sexual relationship has been tainted by addiction find it challenging to move forward in a healthy way together. But they’re not alone. Marriage therapists who’ve been to our trainings tell me that many - if not most - couples struggle at some points in their relationship to maintain a positive and mutually satisfying sex life … even those where sex addiction is not a factor. In other words, even in the BEST of circumstances, establishing and maintaining healthy sex is not easy. When sex addiction is present, the sexual relationship has become associated with shame, pain, and suspicion, thus making it ever more challenging.

But the good news here is that this sexual relationship can be rebuilt, with time, attention, and open discussion among partners about what they like, what feels good, when they’re triggered, etc. When the sexual aversion is related to the pain of addiction and sexual sin, it can at least be dealt with in the open, and ongoing conversation and intimate experiences can bring healing.

But when sexual anorexia is present, it’s more complicated, because the feelings of shame and uneasiness about sex run deep (at the unconscious level), and so it’s harder to work through. Here’s one way to think about this: if we find a very strong attraction or aversion to something sexually that we don’t understand and can’t put into words, it may be tied to unresolved early life experiences that we might want to take a look at.

One final thought … couples who’ve dealt with sexual addiction often have such a history of pain and frustration around their sexual relationship that it’s hard to talk about the subject. It has a “charge” to it that we can’t really talk sanely. So it’s often helpful to spend a session or two with a seasoned therapist to help deal with this. I’m getting ready to interview Wendy Maltz, who is an example of someone with this expertise. This teleseminar will be recorded, so people can purchase the recording if they want to. Contact me if you’d like to hear more about this.

- Mark

- Mark

I have written a followup to this on my blog. Feel free to check it out if interested. -Louis— This post was created by Comment Poster. Want to post thousands of comments to blogs instantly and increase your visitors exponentially? Check it out he…