Comments on: Sexual anorexia: understanding and dealing with a growing problem

By: Peter

Peter — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 15:53:24 +0000

Mark, you are right. Nowadays there is a lot of talk about “unwanted intimacy” during worktime. The misunderstanding is that most people confuse intimacy with sex. Intimacy means looking through you and find a kind of spiritual bonding between people, without fearing each other. Not being strangers to each other. To open each others mind and have true communication. The brains are involved in intimacy
and are connected to each other. An anorectic person will after a very short time, always completely shut down. He or she will immediately built huge walls around him or her. And after that the sex will decline till something boring and mechanical. An anorectic person will do anything not to look through him or her
and is very afraid for this. An anorectic person is not afraid for sex, because he or she can do this with
anyone, except his or her own partner. This normally means very short relations. In fact only having sex with strangers and not with theirs own wifes or husbands. Intimacy and sex can not be combined.
So an anorectic person makes himself or herself open to very multiple sex partners. In fact just strangers ! Sex without intimacy. But I find out that an anorectic person also wants to be humiliated by such a stranger, while having sex. I even think that some anorectics kick not so much on sex, but the humiliation. Mark, do you think I am right ?

By: Mark

Mark — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 14:19:19 +0000

Peter, thanks for your comments. It’s sad to hear about your experiences with therapists there in the Netherlands. I would say that here in the US there is certainly a range of competency about sexual issues. My wife has recently completed a master’s program in Counseling and Psychotherapy, with a specialty in Marriage and Family Therapy. Even though most MFT’s will tell you that sexual issues are a huge part of their practice, to get a master’s degree in this area does NOT require a class on sexuality! That seems crazy to me. The good news is that many therapists get specialized training on their own from other sources, but still … it’s unfortunate to see that this core issue (sexuality) does not get the treatment it deserves in the training and certification of therapists.

By: Peter

Peter — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 07:25:25 +0000

I have been several times to a therapist with my wife. At those times I did not know about sexual anorexia. It was me who insisted to go to a therapist and my wife did not like it. But I wanted to safe my marriage for our children. Yes, all the things I noticed by my wife, I told. A good therapist should know immediately it had all to do with sexual anorexia, but it seems that no therapist in Holland ever heard about that. Okay, I think that psychology in Holland is still at a very low level, so I can’t blame those so called professional Dutch psychologs, who have an university degree. Anyway, there are also no good articles about that topic in Holland. But reading your American articles and that bloody good book about sexual anorexia, makes everything very clear to me. But, I know if I would go with my wife to a therapist again, that person will again not know anything about the real problem. It would only be a waist of time and money. May be some American specialists about that topic should educate the Dutch public and write Dutch articles and Dutch book about sexual anorexia. Since I know about that topic, I also know that may marriages suffer from that problem and many divorces should not be necessary.

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By: TomPier

TomPier — Sat, 08 May 2010 17:53:32 +0000

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By: Julie McNeil

Julie McNeil — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 08:14:57 +0000

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