Category Archives: Pornography

How fantasy keeps sex addicts from real intimacy

Hooded GuyI think that the White Book from sexaholics anonymous is one of the best books out there about sex addiction. This book has great insights about how lust gets in the way of true intimacy. Here’s a great quote from the book, which describes the descent into addiction that it calls “The Problem:”

Early on, we came to feel disconnected — from parents, from peers, from ourselves. We tuned out with fantasy and masturbation. We plugged in by drinking in the pictures, the images, and pursuing the objects of our fantasies. We lusted and wanted to be lusted after.

We became true addicts: sex with self, promiscuity, adultery; we bought it, we sold it, we traded it, we gave it away. We were addicted to the intrigue, the tease, the forbidden. The only way we knew to be free of it was to do it. “Please connect with me and make me whole!” we cried with outstretched arms. Lusting after the big fix, we gave away our power to others.
Continue reading How fantasy keeps sex addicts from real intimacy

Not tonight darling, I’m online

man on computerAs some of you know, I’ve been working on a book chapter about pornography and sex addiction for Kevin Mahew Publishing, one of the leading religious book publishers in the UK. I’m co-authoring this chapter with Dr. Mark Laaser, and the book (as yet untitled) will come out sometime in later this year. In the course of research, I tried to find information and resources about pornography and sex in the UK. As it turns out, this was not hard to do, since the situation there is very similar to what we have in the US.

Here’s some quotes from an interesting and lengthy article with the intriguing title: “Not tonight darling, I’m online” by Adrian Turpin. While not endorsing everything said in the article, I agree with many of its conclusions, and want to highlight some great quotes from it.

Continue reading Not tonight darling, I’m online

Interview: How much sex is too much?

George Collins is a counselor in the San Francisco Bay area who has been in practice since 1995, working with sex addicts. Here are some excerpts from an interview with him, published in The Metro (a Bay area newspaper). I’m including this because I think he’s got some good things to say, and anyone with his experience is worth listening to. Enjoy:

Loren Stein (interviewer): How does someone know if they have a sexual addiction? Or in other words, how much sex is too much sex?

Continue reading Interview: How much sex is too much?

Isn’t it ironic: more porn equals less sex

MAPA LogoYears ago – before porn had become so common – its opponents warned that if we didn’t limit pornography, men would start objectifying all women like they do porn stars, and treat them accordingly. Rape and all kinds of “sexual mayhem” would result. Naomi Wolf has a great article on the Mothers Against Pornography website where she reflects on this. It’s certainly true that pornography has become ubiquitous, and is changing how people experience sex. But Wolf makes the point that it is actually lowering libido – in relation to real people – rather than raising it. Listen to her own words, which I quote at length from the article:

“But the effect (of pornography) is not making men into raving beasts. On the contrary: The onslaught of porn is responsible for deadening male libido in relation to real women, and leading men to see fewer and fewer women as “porn-worthy.” Continue reading Isn’t it ironic: more porn equals less sex

Worldwide pornography industry approaches $100 billion

Talk about major coinage! According to statistics from Dr. Irv Wolf, director of the National Coalition for Purity, the worldwide revenue from pornography grew dramatically in the past year. Here are Dr. Wolf’s own words:

In 2005, $57 billion was spent worldwide on porn with $12 billion of that spent in the United States. In 2006, that figure skyrocketed to $97 billion with $13 billion spent in the USA! Although the USA is not the leading consumer of porn (in terms of revenues), the USA is the leading provider of porn worldwide.

Addendum … here is a link to an extended report from Internet Filter Review, which verifies these statistics, and includes many more, including the fact that every second, over $3,000 is being spent on pornography, and nearly 30,000 people are looking at pornography on the Internet alone.

Informal study shows pornography is more addictive than people think

One of the challenges of trying to accurately define the numbers of people addicted to sex is that the primary form of sex addiction (pornography) often goes unreported, since people don’t view it as a problematic or unhealthy behavior. And so we have people growing dependent on a certain sexual behavior but not realizing it because they don’t see it as a problem. It’s much like the situation were college students become binge drinkers and don’t realize they are becoming addicted to alcohol. They don’t sense their growing dependence on alcohol because it’s so common among their peers and doesn’t feel problematic. But when challenged to cut down, they realize the power that alcohol has over them. What about pornography? What happens when people who think it’s okay to view pornography are challenged to stop using it?

In her excellent book “Pornified” Pamela Paul writes about Continue reading Informal study shows pornography is more addictive than people think

Survey Says: 1 in 3 Boys Heavy Porn Users

Results from a recent study show that pornography use among young teenagers is higher than anybody wants to admit. 430 students from 17 different schools across Alberta, Canada, were surveyed anonymously about if and how often they accessed sexually explicit content on television, video, and the Internet. Ninety percent of males and 70 percent of females reported accessing sexually explicit content at least once. More than one-third of the boys reported viewing pornographic media “too many times to count”, compared to eight percent of the girls surveyed. And get this: those surveyed were 13- and 14-year-olds.

Here’s what the lead researcher, Sonya Thompson, had to say, Continue reading Survey Says: 1 in 3 Boys Heavy Porn Users